If the endings of other games were changed in the same way that the ending to Portal was

WARNING! ACTUAL AND FICTIONAL SPOILER INFORMATION  FOR PORTAL AND OTHER, MUCH OLDER GAMES, FOLLOWS.

Metriod Ending

A woman's work is never done.

Valve has changed the ending to Portal. A slight update to the game added the “valuable asset retrieval” to the ending. It doesn’t change much, and if you want, you can simply watch it on youtube. Essentially, Valve has set up a sequel for Portal by having Chell get captured at the end.  Portal 2 can now open up with Chell once again stuck in the Aperture Science Labs.

Were the endings to other games changed in the same way Portal’s was, this is what we would have.

Super Mario Bros.

Mario chops the rope to the bridge, sending Bowser into the lava. A doorway opens. He hesitates for a second, then walks into the room. Peach looks at him and smiles. Despite her long captivity, she is radiant. Not a single hair on her head is out of place. Her dress is immaculate. Mario drops down to the floor. “Thank you, Mario!” she says. Mario exhales, and looks up at Princess Peach as she speaks again. “But our princess is in another castle!” Mario pauses; looks around. He looks at the princess, his eyes wide. She continues to smile vacantly. His eyelids are suddenly heavy. He fights to keep them up. Thoughts, unconnected and urgent, flash through his mind. Was one of the many mushrooms he ate poisoned? The room seems to grow larger and darker. He hears the sounds of reptilian feet scraping against the ground behind him. The feet seem to be a million miles away. Mario rests.

The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time

Ganandorf collapses. The holy light Zelda had summoned wanes. Link blinks. His head is buzzing rhythmically: “beep beep. beep beep. beep beep.” It was a close battle. The Seven Sages gather around the crumpled mass of Ganandorf’s body. “And now,” one of the Sages says, “we will trap Ganandorf again.” Ganandorf struggles up to his feet, clutching the Triforce to his chest. The Sages concentrate. A hole tears the air. Ganandorf falls in, screaming that he will take revenge. “You may be safe, but your descendents are not!” he screams. The hole contracts. There is now only a single point of light where there once was Ganandorf. The Seven Sages confer among themselves, and then turn to Link. “We are afraid that Ganandorf is correct. He will one day return.” Link doesn’t respond. He doesn’t understand. The point of light expands. It is a hole once more. The sage speaks as Princess Zelda walks up behind Link. “We appreciate all you have done for Hyrule, Link.” Link feels Zelda’s small, delicate hands on his back for a second, then feels her push him into the dimensional prison. For the rest of eternity, Link and Ganandorf will fight each other in vain, until both are near insane from the repetition. The outside world, however, will be safe. It will continue on just fine.

SimCity 2000

Your transportation advisor enters the room. You don’t bother to look up from the zoning map spread across your desk. “YOU CAN’T CUT BACK ON FUNDING!” he screams, clumsily removing a gun from his coat pocket. “YOU WILL REGRET THIS!” You hear a slight pop. Your chest is warm. Your fingers try, in vain, to hit the Alt and 0 keys to pause the game, but for some reason your fingers are slippery, red. You grow cold. You cough. You slump forward in your chair, mouthing the words “I am the mayor. I am the mayor.”

Your corpse is frozen and stored in City Hall. One day, the rumors say, future generations will need your knowledge of city planning: perhaps if the aliens return, or once the city can actually build some arcologies. Then they will revive you, and you will rule once more.

Curtis Retherford

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2 responses to “If the endings of other games were changed in the same way that the ending to Portal was

  1. This is brilliant.

    I can’t believe what a ballsy move Valve is making – inserting a sequel hook after the fact, essentially turning one of the best-regarded games into a viral ad for its own sequel. Portal 2 had better be awesome.

    • Curtis Retherford

      Thanks. Ballsy is exactly the word I’d use to describe Valve’s change. I was thinking about it while reading your repost of the your old “Metanarrative” post. It’s a tough thing to change the entire ending for a game and not have it feel like a “cheat,” and Valve was able to set up a sequel without ruining the original. Ballsy indeed.

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